Andy's Rant Pages
(Being A Pizza Delivery Driver!)
PAGE 2

People who try to negotiate cost of the order:
We are not the automobile dealership! I offer the items because management tells me that I have to upsell in order to increase weekly sales. I would receive a $10 bonus if my average sales ticket is the highest for the week and a $20 bonus if highest for the month with a minimum 8% of all orders taken. I hate it when I offer upsell items like Coke, Breadsticks, and Buffalo Wings that some customers would have the nerve to say that they would take them if they are free. The only discount is where we have our party order discount if you ordered at least 4 large pizzas or if you have coupons.
 I knock on one door, customer comes out of the other:
I pretend not to notice and sometimes act scared when they suddenly appear out of nowhere.
 Cheaters:
From when I first started working in the pizza delivery business in April of 1990, it has never happened to me until Saturday, July 20, 1996. From now on, I will collect the customer's money first whenever I forget a part of a customer's order. Our business is a lot more honest than some customers.
A customer orders 2 large pizzas and a 2 liter Coke. I forget one of the pizzas and I tell the customer (man) to hold the money and enjoy the pizza while I go back and get the other pizza. Meanwhile, the store manager notices the extra pizza sitting on the heating rack and sends another driver to deliver the forgotten pizza. The other driver doesn't know that I didn't collect for the order and gives the pizza to the customer (a woman this time). When he came back to the store, I asked him if he had the money for the order. I would have let him keep the tip and give me the order amount. He told me that he thought I collected for the order. The store manager called the customer to tell them that I was coming to collect for the pizza. The woman flatly denied any knowledge of the order and hung up. The manager called back and left a message on their answering machine stating that we will no longer deliver to their address and their record will be logged on to our computers. It states that if they want a pizza, they will have to pick it up. It's a wonderful thing that we have computers and Caller ID! The other driver said that they don't tip and recalls 7 months ago when it was freezing that he waited at their front door for awhile and got stiffed.
 People who call up for stupid reasons:
I remember once someone asked if the driver could stop by the nearest convenience store to pick up a six pack of beer and/or cigarettes. Who do they think we are, a courier service?
If they were willing to give a good tip, we may do it if we are not too busy. That's another one of the advantages and benefits of being a big tipper!
How about when someone constantly calls up asking for prices? Don't waste our time and the competition's!
 The "misbox":
This happened at another store. The customer received his two pizzas as ordered; one was an Extravaganzza and the other a pepperoni. He wanted the store to remake the pizzas becuase the computer printed labels were switched (or the pizzas put in "wrong" boxes). Let me explain it in further detail. Each item ordered (i.e. pizza, breadsticks, buffalo wings, etc.) has its own computer printed label. The box that was labeled Extravaganzza had the pepperoni and vice versa. What an asshole!
 Our parking lot rants:
A walk-in customer complains about me and another driver taking up 2 parking spaces. Our store is located in a shopping strip where there are PLENTY of parking spaces. This was on a Sunday and we are the only place open so we relax a bit when parking our cars. I think maybe walking an extra 5 feet is going to kill her!
When the other shops are open in the daytime from Monday through Saturday, the parking spaces are usually filled. The parking lot is striped for one way traffic (cars park at an angle). What really annoys me is that the are some morons who drive the wrong way in that parking lot when it's full. It's okay with me when the parking lot is empty. One asshole going the wrong way even has the nerve to honk at me when I was backing out.
One time, this young girl was going the wrong way when the parking lot was full and was trying to make a U-turn (or actually, a V-turn) to fit into one available space. Of course this would be impossible (like hammering a square peg into a circular hole) without bumping into another car and sure enough, she bumped into a tire of a late model Honda Civic EX. Me and a couple of my co-workers are in the store looking at her in a funny way to see if she has a clue. She finally gave up and parked on the street instead. All she had to do was come back in the correct way but she never did.
PICTURE 1 PICTURE 2
Customers who want to use the employee restroom:
They get POed when we say that we don't offer public restrooms. It's for the obvious reasons. Customers could slip and fall and it's lawsuit city, they could steal stuff we have stored in the back, and some morons can't seem to leave any bathroom without making a mess.
 Customers who pay in penny rolls (or bags of change):
It's mostly kids that do this. They often do it when it's busy and I can't stay parked in their driveway for half an hour tallying nickels and dimes. I count it later and find the customer shorted you $.73 or $1.21.
 Customers who don't control their dogs when I arrive at the door:
They open their doors to you and out comes Fido, barking around you fiercely or even jumping up on you while the customer assures you "It's okay, he won't bite." Yeah right, I had a small pooch bite the tongue of my shoe even though I showed myself as friendly.
 Customers who have their 17 week old infant or their shy 5 year old hand you the money:
It inevitably takes five minutes to accomplish but hey it looks 'cute'. How about wait until they are older and they start nagging you to give the driver the money? On second thought, you better accompany the kids because I've known kids who try to keep the tip money. I hate it when I never see the adult come to the door and they make the kids do all the work.
 Customers who don't plow their driveway or put sand on their icy sidewalks:
I had to put this one up for my fellow delivery drivers up north. I feel for you people! I am in the New Orleans area and we rarely have to deal with shoveling snow. The last time we had snow was on December 23, 1989 and that was only measured in inches, not feet.
 People from businesses who order, and then can't be found because they're in a different part of the building:
There's this nursing home where I have gotten stiffed about 6 out of 8 times that I have been there. They usually never tell us which part of the building they're located and I have to wander all over the place to find them.
Another one is you're instructed to deliver to the side door and it turns out to be a warehouse with 8 side doors. So you try one and find yourself wandering around this giant warehouse and no one's in sight.
 Customers who are out of our delivery area and insist we deliver to their house:
Oh I hate it when they take it out on me saying that this is like the 4th store that they've called that doesn't deliver to them. Maybe they wouldn't have been so upset if they hadn't thrown away the occasional doorhangers with the phone number of the store that delivers to them.
 People who ask me for free pizza and other stupid questions:
I would respond to people (especially kids) who ask me this annoying "heard it a million times" phrase, "Sure, you can have some free pizza if you give me some free money"! Hello? We are a place of business, not a charity!
Other times people ask me if there's an extra pizza, drinks, and/or parmesian cheese packets in my car? Well, if I was to keep parmesian cheese packets in the car, you wouldn't want them because they would stink! My car is not a travelling heating rack and refrigerator so I only carry what I need per trip.
 Stupid and/or ignorant people in general:
I'm "borrowing a page" from Dan McGripes' Front Counter with this one! Here are a couple of examples:
1. A lady walks up to the counter to pick up a call in pizza order. The phone girl goes to the heating rack to find her order but there was none. The phone girl asks the lady for her phone number to search for the order but it showed no orders placed today. The phone girl asks her if she might have called a different location? The lady said no and starts insulting the phone girl. After a little while the lady finally realizes her blunder and ask if this is Little Caesars? Hello? Are you f***ing blind? Don't you see all the Domino's logos on the menu board and our uniforms? Do they say Little Caesars? No! Little Caesars is around the block you moron! By the way, the lady never did apologize to the phone girl for insulting her.
2. When a customer calls us, they are automatically placed through our Socode messaging system which thanks them for calling us and announces our specials. After 30 seconds, we pick up the line. There's this one caller who gives the phone girl some numbers for a ticket. The phone girl is wondering, what ticket? Is this a joke or something? After a little while, the caller ask if this was the place to pay traffic ticket fines? Hello? Are you deaf? Didn't you hear the automated message?
How about when they ask us what our specials are when the Socode just announced it. Some people are just so damn stupid and ignorant!
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Last modified on Friday, August 15, 2003.